Arrested journalist Zafer Özcan wrote a letter to Ebrar Beyza Özcan, her daughter, behind bars. His daughter Ebrar Beyza shared his letter about how he spent his time inside and his longing for the sky from her blogspot account:
My dear daughter,
I live my second Ramadan in this place. While I was here for the first one last year, I never dreamed that I would be here for the second time. The moment that I am in right now, seemed so far away last year. Maybe it is the result of prison psychology or it is necessary to think like that. One cannot imagine the continuation of life here, beyond. The understanding and expectation of “I will not be here too long” is always dominant. In that respect, following years seem to be far away. Then we look at those distances, what we think is distant, has come and found us. That unwanted meeting is of course a bad feeling at first, but the fact that every experience here empowers people is undeniable. When we have to experience what we don’t want to live, one feels more confident. What strange times are we going through, Ebrar? “Did we have to experience so much disaster, so much collapse?” sometimes I think. When our conditions were already difficult, now the virus was out to catch us. Our limited life turned into a complete deprivation. While complaining about the inadequacy of the forty minutes of the weekly talks, we can not find it now! Despite everything and every condition, we can cope with what we are getting through. May my Lord protect us from the conditions we cannot cope with. The feeling that there is worse always makes me feel its presence and keeps me from complaining.
I want to share with you another feeling that has visited me a lot lately. Yes, someone will decide on my future, whether I’m a captive or free. What I feel is this; While the possibility of being with you one day excites me very much, on the other hand, the excitement of continuing my life here excites me as well. I started to feel this way especially recently. Knowing that I will not be able to reach the efficiency of the writing I have reached here should make me feel like this. However, carrying the other feeling makes me comfortable. I hope I will complete my third novel in late summer, hope god won’t Show us. I can now do one more thing I wanted to do for a long time; continue to write every day. This was important to me. This is what many famous writers underline is to write without interruption. I am at that point right now, and this affects my psychology positively and increases my morale. So I am stronger and calmer as in Candan’s song now. I want you to be like this and to feel like this.
In your letter you sent me Nazim’s poem. You told me to write my favorite parts: “And suddenly “And I want to read out what I wrote to you in the meander-blue of liberty, hurling up and sticking to the anchors in my window.” Here is my part. I wish I could sit down and talk to you about what I wrote for hours.
Here I watch the endless blue of the sky by sticking to the irons in my window. A handful that I could find in our garden promises more than the sky, the iron window of the upper floor. I can see the sky wider.
I like that milky white blue cloudy most. The cloudy sky looks closer to my eye and more authentic. Sometimes, I watch the clouds flowing in the wind from that ferrous window. I want them to take me wherever they go. That the freedom of the clouds, I’m starting to take inspiration from their dreams eternity myself.
When you read this letter, get out on the balcony of our house and take a long look at that milky white blue sky. You will see my dreams there, you’ll even if you don’t see.
